Shooting Blanks

Last week, the USI College Republicans organized an "Empty Holster Protest" to push for a student's right to carry a concealed weapon on campus.

This USI-based snippet of activism grew from the national protest sponsored by Students for Concealed Carry on Campus (SCCC), a national organization that - you guessed it -lobbies for the rights of the heavily-armed undergraduate.

In a press release on the College Republicans Web site, the club said they wanted the protests to make "a sensible statement" that students "should be able to carry firearms for the protection of themselves and others on campuses from the likes [Virginia Tech gunman] Seung-Hui Cho."

In short, the message of the protest - which involved students strapping poetically-empty holsters to their belts - was this: in order to prevent students from shooting other students, we must give the students guns.

I see no holes in the logic. In fact, I think it's a fantastic idea.

What better way to keep the peace at USI than transforming every argument into an Old-West shootout?

Think about this: adding student vigilantes to campus would eradicate all need for Campus Security. Weekend drunken arguments (booze and bullets make for a delicious cocktail!) could be solved with a simple squeeze of the trigger.

Compared to getting shot in the face, academic probation is a slap on the wrist. Guns at USI would also erase petty roommate disagreements. Roommate drinking your milk?

I'll bet he or she will begin buying their own after a staring contest with a 9 mm.

I love this idea so much, I believe it should be expanded.

It's widely known that Iran desires nuclear capabilites.

After checking USI's Students Rights and Responsbilites, I learned the University prohibits the harboring of nuclear warheads on campus.

The right for Rambo-esque armament lies firmly in the second amendment of the Constitution.

Who are you, liberal socialist USI, to take away my constitutional rights?

Chris Brown, founder of SCCC agrees. In a press release, he reasonably stated: "My state [Texas] allows me to carry a handgun in public, but there is some imaginary line drawn around college campuses for silly reasons."

Silly reason indeed. As the old saying goes, "guns don't kill people; people kill people."

Then again, it's usually people - not bunnies or squirrels - who own guns.