The most dangerous fountain in the world

Working on campus last summer, I caught a lot of the banter surrounding the evolution of University Boulevard's main entrance.

I heard office employees from all over the school discuss the hot topic day in and day out, watching the site progress every morning and evening as they came to and from their jobs. Jokes surrounding an influx of students returning to campus and pulling a “Clark Griswold” once they entered the roundabout (see the scene in European Vacation, “Look kids it's Big Ben!”) and continuing to circle the new path, unsure of when or where to turn off.

I never joined in on these conversations, because I decided to place what very little faith I had left in the modern college student, in their ability to survive the new intersection.

It wasn't until this Christmas break that I began to lose the rest of my faith, not in college students, but in those planning the developments happening around campus. Of course, everyone has survived the roundabout. And at the end of the day the cone isn't nearly as tacky as we all imagined it would be.

However, as I left campus that Friday afternoon in December I noticed that there was a wall surrounding the middle portion of the roundabout. “I can't see over this at all,” I told myself.

When I returned to campus in January I realized that the wall had grown. It was now taller and encompassed the circular structure, making it hard to see what was coming from every angle and direction one could approach the intersection from.       

 “This certainly isn't safe” is a toned-down, less colorful version of what I said upon my discovery.

Since that day I have asked questions, and gotten a few answers.         

Apparently a fountain is planned for the secretly walled off space at the entrance of the university.

This is just what we need. Not only will it make it harder to see, and much more     dangerous for drivers entering the roundabout, but the fountain itself will provide ample distraction for those passing through the intersection, causing them to lose focus on their driving and the drivers around them.

What is not scary is that someone thought a fountain up front would look nice. What is scary is that a group of people let this dangerous idea slide by, each one of them signing off on it, without realizing what danger it would garner for students, faculty and staff alike.

I just hope they make the fountain worthwhile, design-wise.

Honestly, if I run the risk of being sideswiped by some freshman who is already texting and eating a burger, every time I leave campus, I hope that it's because of a fountain featuring statuettes of David L. Rice, H. Ray Hoops and Linda Bennett in Storm-trooper suits, in harmony with a few Ewoks sprinkled about, celebrating the destruction of the second Death Star.

I'm serious. I want Ewoks.